It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
