Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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