I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
