do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
