ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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