I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
