Im at strip club and am horny
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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