i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize