I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
vagina is talking i cant
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
