im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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