haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
