3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
