I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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