where am i from again
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
