We're facebook friends in real life
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
