I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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