oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
