ugly people sure do ruin things
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
