In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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