I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize
