he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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