My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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