it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
