I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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