If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
