Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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