I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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