I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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