I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
time to smoke my breakfast
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize