What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
