I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it was like eating out sand paper
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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