loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
