I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
