Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Are my feet made of real feet?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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