Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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