I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
