Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
