Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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