More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Michael Bay diarrhea
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
