Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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