You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
