mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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