There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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