My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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