She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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