but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
