Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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