2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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