My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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