Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
