Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
