I'm eating all of the evidence.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
