So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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