I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
