I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize