Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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