i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
