Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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