I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
