im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
foreskin is a definite game changer
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
