Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
