i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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