I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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