i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
