lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
