don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's blow job season.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize