meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
