Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
