plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
